Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
