i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
