I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
