eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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