Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
