No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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