my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
