It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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