He told me they were just razor bumps!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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