I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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