i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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