mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
