i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
there's paper in my vomit.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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