woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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