Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
