tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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