Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
