last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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