I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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