if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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