You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
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I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
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So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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