Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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