I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
