flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
