You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
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Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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