Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
