hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
