He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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