Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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