Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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