They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
