Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
