Don't you send me to vm
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
