btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
