i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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