sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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