Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
