i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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