Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Did you pee in the oven last night??
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
