Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
