So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
