There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
