Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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