I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
