Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize