It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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