the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
