I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My cat gives me a boner
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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