she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
is that a dick in a sweater?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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