opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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