did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
