I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
