Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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