I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
