she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
