The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Why can't burritos get me drunk
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
God, I missed his penis.
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