i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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