i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
