I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The beer is more important than you right now.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
