i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
