On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
too bad you live with your parents still
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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