You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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