the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
