Christians are straight up FREAKS
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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