i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
