I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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