This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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