Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
