someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
