You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
