I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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