She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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