I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
