yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
