i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
