just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Pants are for mortals
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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