we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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