Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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