the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
