did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
